


Dumbledore and Neville's Meaty Climax

by saltydumbledore1669



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Action, Anal Sex, Character Death, Comedy, F/M, M/M, Oral Sex, Porn Battle, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 07:02:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15746691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltydumbledore1669/pseuds/saltydumbledore1669
Summary: The final in the unforgettable Dumbledore and Neville trilogy; An old familiar face returns to torment Dumbledore, Neville, and their unintentional companions. Only Dean Thomas and Ronald can save them now.





	Dumbledore and Neville's Meaty Climax

Dumbledore and Neville’s Meaty Climax

Everybody gasped apart from Dean Thomas who had intelligently figured out the revelation mere minutes before it’s reveal. Everyone knew that the former Groundskeeper of Hogwarts got sent to Azkaban many years ago for having sex with many many magical beasts but nobody had recognised him since he became so, well, Beefy. Hagrid walked over and grasped Albus firmly and threw him onto to floor once more but Neville caught on and jumped on Hagrid like a Midget on a fat Chinese man. Despite Neville’s valiant efforts Hagrid was too strong and threw Neville across the the room into the wall. Though you would think McGonagoll would stop masturbating through all of this but it only turned her on more. Hagrid pynned down Albus tightly and began his chocolate store trip on Dumbledore’s firm ass, and unlike Harry before him Albus simply accepted his fate. Hagrid bummed him for an uncountable amount of time, getting more incredibly violent with each thrust until eventually his thrusts became too powerful even for Dumbledore. Albus realised something was wrong when Hagrid started monologuing, “I have been waiting for this moment for far too long Pedo Boy! And the best part is, I have cursed my Buttermilk to because poisonous so as soon I Cream in your Brown cup holder you shall die!” “Why are you telling me this though?” Asked Albus “Because I’m ‘bout to NUT!” And as Hagrid said that as he released a Tsunami of Toxic Man Oil into Dumbledore’s abused hole. Albus’s veins turned visibly black and he started writhing on the floor. “What’s happening to him!?” Screeched Neville who had woken up to see his lover squirming like a fish trying to run on dry land. “He is dying you Ignorant Fool! I have killed him and you will watch as your sick disgusting lover dies like the piece of shit he is!” “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”Squealed Neville with incredible sadness as he attempted to attack Hagrid but was knocked over once again and forced to look into his former professor’s eyes. “Any last words pedo boy?” Asked Hagrid mockingly “N-Neville.... I-I love you.” Whispered Albus in his final breath. Neville started to cry but was bitch slapped to the ground by Hagrid who brought out a chain collar and placed it around Neville’s neck. “W-What are you doing with that thing?” Asked Neville “I’m making you my Slave” Neville immediately passed out at the information making Hagrid smile. Hagrid brought out more chain collars and went over to McGonagoll, who surprisingly enough was still masturbating, and instead of letting her finish he took her new Dildo and threw it out the window and then placed the collar on her. He then placed collars upon everyone in the room apart from Dean Thomas, who had persuaded Hagrid with his massive intelligence, and Ronald, who Hagrid thought was too pathetic a specimen to be a slave. With his slaves in hand he slung Albus’s dead body across his shoulder and walked out the door.

Neville, Harry, and Hermione all woke up together next to McGonagoll, all four naked in steel shackles inside Hagrid’s dusty stone cabin. He had a large shelf with at least 420 copies of something called “Love on a Leash” inside it. The man himself was sitting in a crusty armchair with nothing on apart from an old suspiciously brown trench coat, he was using Dumbledore abused corpse as a foot stool. Hagrid suddenly stood up to face his new slaves, “Fun isn’t something one considers when disciplining his new slaves but this.... does put a smile on my face.”  
Hagrid walked over to the fearful group, deciding who to pick first. He looked into Harry, and saw the true terror and helplessness in his eyes. He pulled the previously used boy up by the collar, and dragged him over to a bed he built of rock. He ripped his cloak off, revealing a thick carpet of hair leading down to his crotch, where his thick, beefy horse sat, ready to be mounted. Harry looked down, and could do nothing but sigh at the coming discipline he would receive. Hagrid shoves the third year down to his knees and whipped his manhood across the boys soft, red cheek. He looked into the boy’s eyes, welling with tears, and said a single command, “Zucc”. Harry opened his wet hole, which Hagrid plunged his meat spear into. Harry gagged at the sudden entrance, but Hagrid was only turned on more. He began to pull all the way out of Harry’s mouth, only to push all the way back in, slowly increasing in speed. Harry could feel the incredible bitter hairs of the man’s shaft as it’s length penetrated his throat. Soon enough, Hagrid was pounding Harry’s throat, as gagging and moaning filled the room. The others looked on, astonished as Harry was able to remain conscious, but also full of horror as they saw their friend demolished by Hagrid’s seed cannon. Hagrid relents his rampant destruction as Harry began to wheeze and cough with intense pain. Harry began to crawl off, thinking he was done, but Hagrid simply smiled and tugged on Harry’s collar, taking pleasure in the disappointment and sadness on the boy’s face. Harry went limp, not even bothering to protest. Hagrid flopped him over and got a good look at his chocolate cavern. He wanted to explore it as he had Albus’s, but before he did, he wanted to get a good taste of the riches in the cave. The Beefcake leaned in and put his, admittedly untalented tongue onto the boy, getting a tight flinch in response. “Please, I- I’ve- Just stop, finish with me already” Harry whined, wishing for the end of the torment. “Tsk tsk tsk” was the response from Hagrid, “An unwilling slave will be punished further”. Harry closed his eyes, attempting not to cry before Hagrid went back to his assault on Harry’s soft red bud. Before he could finish, however, there was a cry from the doorway. “Halt!” yelled a familiar voice, and everyone turned around to see Dean Thomas standing proudly at the entrance to the lair.  
By his side stands Ronald his fragile pale body quivering in the intellectual shadow of Dean Thomas, “We’re saved!” Yelled Harry hopefully “Not yet boy.” Replied Hagrid as he pulled out of Harry and stood up to face his new opponents. “While you were punishing your slaves I was creating a team, a team powerful enough to defeat you.” 

*flashback* 

Dean and Ronald burst into Snape’s office at Hogwarts. “HeAdMaStEr SNAPE weneedhelpcauseherminoeandharryandnevillehavebeenkidnapedbyhagridandtheyregonnabesexslaves!!!!” Cried Ronald pathetically.  
“Who gives a shit RONALD. Go back to pretending to be straight and jerk off your microscopic meat in the girls changing room.” Replied Snape Savagely. “What my weak-willed accomplice is attempting to say is that our friends Harry and Hermione as well as the traumatised victim of molestation, Neville, have all been captured and forced to become sex slaves to the escaped criminal pervert known Hagrid.” Dean Thomas intelligently explained to Snape “Oh gee golly why didn’t you say so my clever friend we need to get a team together to stop this ungodly evil!” And with that Snape snapped his fingers and three students immediately came in. The first one was a skinny greasy blond twink, the second was a tall hunk who looked eerily similar to that Queer vampire from Twilight, and the third was a slightly chubby creep with a bowl hair cut Who was also constantly rubbing his Broomstick that he brought with him everywhere. “Ok I call these lovely fellas over here the Three Twinks.” Said Snape “The blond boy is Draco Malfoy, he likes to wear panties and will do anything for $5, the Queer hunk over here is Cedric Diggory who has an over inflated ego and really wants anal 24/7, and finally the Bisexual Creep over here is Oliver Wood (Wonder how he got that name) he has gotten detention 27 times within the past three months for inappropriately touching some first years and he likes the feeling of vibration when he rides his Broomstick.”. “Wait but how are these guys going to help us! I mean are they some kind of Suicide Squad or something! I don’t get it.“ asked Ronald nervously “Shut it Ronald! What do you know these boys are the best in the business and if you don’t think so then that is Homophobic which is Hate Speech!” Wailed Snape with a sudden flare of Passion that shook Ronald to his very core. 

*flash forward to the present* 

Snape walks up behind Ronald and Dean Thomas wearing a flowing open-buttoned black shirt revealing his thick neatly trimmed carpet of godly chest hair. The Three Twinks were close behind him. “Hello there Hagrid, long time no see, still fucking Animals are we?” Said Snape mockingly. “Nice to see you too, my fruity friend but your jests mean nothing to me as we all know that the only reason you have become Headmaster is through sucking unlimited amounts of raw man meat.” Bellowed Hagrid knowingly. This made Snape the angriest and most humiliated he’s been since his Ex-Wife found him sucking dick behind a dumpster. Now, it’s personal.

Snape dashed forward, his dark cloak glittering as if he was blessed with holy water by the lord himself. Ronald gasped at the sight. “Yeah, he fast as fuck boi, even faster in the sheets” Draco commented with a knowing look. Ronald continued to watch in awe as the headmaster flew in the direction of Hagrid, attempting to get on top of him, presumably to choke him out (by whatever means necessary). The Three Twinks attempted to unlock the slave chains, although Harry was still by the side of the bed. Snape was wrestling with Hagrid, hate flooding his eyes. Hagrid struggles to fight back, but, as stated before, he had a smile on his face, for he new he would be victorious. He flipped the shaggy headmaster on his back with his far superior strength, and instead of fighting, reached down to stroke the other weapon he possessed. Snape looked on in shock and despair as he began to realise what was to come before him. In the commotion, Harry attempted to crawl away but Hagrid turned and grabbed the boy by the throat. “You’re punishment is not over, child, and this man’s has just begun”. The Three Twinks freed the others from their chains and Cedric Diggory immediately began to kiss McGonnagal passionately. “You know you’re the only woman I’ve found attractive” He said, breaking away from the kiss. “Well, while the boys be boys, let’s have some fun” The woman replied, Cedric already started stripping down and stroking his other broomstick. Snape, back with Hagrid, was attempting to get out of the chains the beefcake has put him in. He watched as Harry was forced to slurp on the tower of meat that the former groundskeeper had. Reluctantly, the boy sucked the large man off, taking the, unnaturally large, ripe tomatoes Hagrid possessed into his mouth at his owner’s command. Harry suckled on the sac until it popped out of his bright red lips, shrivelling up. Hagrid moaned at the intense feeling as Snape continued to watch in horror. “Stop it you Monster!” Snape cried “If you wish to punish me, do so! Just do not torture the boy” Harry looked over at his teacher with a sigh of relief. “Well” Hagrid replied, “if you say so” Although Snape was on somewhat of a pickle, he had thought through his plan. As Hagrid approached him, Snape jumped up and grabbed Hagrid’s throat, swinging around his back, attempting to choke him. Oddly enough it only seemed to make the man even harder. Snape, distracted at the marvellous meat before him, did not realise when Hagrid reached around and grabbed him. He swung the headmaster over his back and immediately ripped off the remainder of his tight pants. Snape flinched as Hagrid began to massage the outside of the man’s flesh cavern. As Snape warmed up to the feeling, Hagrid pulled away and immediately inserted his meaty pride without hesitation. Snape gasped at the length and thickness he took up his rectum, a small tear welling in his eye. The beast-lover set a blistering pace, thrusting in and out of his newest slave, feeling the damp walls of his fairly unused hole. Snape could barely stay conscious as he was pounded into the floor, very much stuck between a rock and a hard place. “You” Hagrid commanded, pointing at the exhausted Harry “I’m not done with you” Harry looked defiantly at Hagrid “And what if I don’t?” He replied with a newfound confidence. “Then,” Hagrid said, not breaking thrusts, to Snape’s dismay “I tear this man in two” Harry looked on with concern, not knowing if Hagrid could even do what he said. “Do you really want your precious Professor to die? You’ve already lost one today” He continued mockingly. Harry, uncertain, walked over to the beefcake. “What do you want?” Hagrid smiled, “The headmaster over here told me to spare you, so I will hold my word, but that doesn’t mean you’re finished” He pointed at Snape’s rolling head, “Stick it in his mouth”. The boy was shocked, but for fear of his professor’s life, did what he was told. Harry walked over and Snape looked up at the defeated boy. Snape looked on with eyes full of sadness, but was too weak to say anything. Harry grabbed his sweaty hair, and shoved his, oddly erect, member onto Snape’s soft, talented tongue. The professor moaned into the boy, and could tell that to some point, he was enjoying it. Hagrid was remarkably keeping pace, summoning strength from, well, only the Lord knows where. Harry revelled at the fact that, whatever was happening, it felt good and he pulled Snape’s head up, attempting to get more stimulation. A war ensued between Hagrid and the boy, both trying to claim Snape as their own. Harry thrusting into the man’s mouth, pulling his head, while Hagrid thrust into Snape in the back, widening his hole and abusing him in ways the lad had never felt before. The others in the room had been freed and began to watch the sight in front of them. Exceptions being Cedric, McGonagoll, and Neville, who was laying next to Albus’s body in despair.  
Everyone watching was surprised at the pure strength of Snape, and his resilience to the beating placed upon him. Everyone was truly amazed at Harry, however, for he was going wild, whipping Snape’s head as if he had a vendetta against it. Soon, the boy was crying out in pleasure, spouting nonsense that included “I’m bouts to BLOW MY SKEET AND HIT THAT Y E E T!” He thrust as far as he could down his teacher’s throat and shivered in pleasure as he blasted Cream so far into the man it went straight to his stomach. Hagrid watched what happened and began going into Snape at hypersonic speeds, attempting to complete his original goal. Snape, after Harry’s ordeal, could hold on no longer and blacked out, falling to the floor in a complete mess. Hagrid pulled out of the man, and came close to orgasming, but he controlled himself, knowing what he needed to save the last of his poisonous seed for. He turned to look at the crowd with Dean Thomas, intelligently, absent from it. The man, erect and grinning, walked towards the rest of his victims.  
Hagrid grabbed McGonagoll and pulled her away from Cedric to prepare her punishment next. “Don’t even think about it you wannabe Shrek!!” Yelped Cedric with Protest, as a response Hagrid dropped her and faced Cedric. “So you think you love her do you, Hunky?” Mocked Hagrid with great humour. “Yes I do, and you cannot stop me you ugly ass bitch ass nutsack bully!!” Whined Cedric. Hagrid only grinned in response and grabbed Cedric by his throat. Cedric tried to fight back but to no avail, McGonagoll was clawing at his Hagrid’s feet made no difference either. The Sexually questionable boy turned pale as a drop of blood fell out of his agape mouth. Cedric’s lifeless body fell to the extremely slimy floor. McGonagoll was crying hysterically at Hagrid’s heels, he picked her up By her face and simply stated “You’ve had enough punishment little one, for now..” he then licked her cat-like face and then threw her to the ground. He then turned to Neville who was cowering behind Albus’s dead body, tears of both fear and loss streaming down his round face. “It’s your turn now little one.” Hagrid said as he approached the terrified boy, but it was at this moment that Oliver Wood choose to strike, using his precious broomstick and shoving it up Hagrid’s open back door. Hagrid only stopped and turned his head, showing his unnaturally wide smile to the boy. “You’ve got balls kid.” Hagrid announced as he pulled out Oliver’s broom out of his back stage waiting room and snapped it in half. “I hope they remember you.” Hagrid proudly stated as he stabbed Oliver Wood through the chest with the irredeemably dirty broken broomstick. Oliver collapsed on his knees as he died. Hagrid turned once more to Neville who was trying to run away but was caught by Hagrid almost immediately. “There’s no getting away this time, little one.” The former groundskeeper said with a mighty laugh. “You have two choices for your punishment, you can fuck one of my many beasts like the dog that you are or you can fuck the rotting corpse of your disturbed ex-lover like the little pervert you are.” Neville stood defiantly and stooped down to face his deceased professor. “I knew you were a filthy pathetic slut!” Chuckled Hagrid aggressively.  
Neville took Albus’s cold flaccid Nightcrawler into his slightly damp mouth and sucked it like a vacuum whilst Hagrid called him demeaning names like “Zombie boy” and “pathetic disgusting excuse for a human boy” as well occasionally smacking down upon the lad’s vaguely fuzzy ass cheeks. Though Neville would never admit, he kind of enjoyed his punishment. Whilst Neville was mouth fucking his deceased partner, Hagrid was masturbating his thicc log until he released a few drops of venomous Pre-Cum onto the boy’s back, which burned the skin on Neville’s back like Acid making Neville Yelp in pain in between deepthroats. After several minutes of pleasuring his former love the corpse of Dumbledore released a few squirts of post-humorous sperm milk, because even in Death Albus could still bust a fat one out. Neville spit the ice cold seed froth out onto the floor making Hagrid greatly upset “Bitch!” Hagrid growled kicking the abused boy across the room. Hagrid then turned to look at the remainder of the room and said with a toothy smirk “Now, who’s next?”.

Hagrid looked around the room at the only pathetic faces left. Draco attempting to comfort Hermione while Ronald was crying in the corner. “I think I’ll let the happy couple be, for now” Hagrid said, looking over at the cowering boy. “No!” Hermione called from the other side of the room. “He’s just a boy”. Hagrid turned his head toward the girl inquisitively. “Would you rather me punish you instead?”. But before she could answer, Ron called back, “Hermione! I can take care of myself!” He attempted to look brave in front of the Mad Titan. Hagrid turned around and grinned as he strode towards the boy, a plan forming in his disturbed mind. He picked up the boy by the collar and dragged home over to his compadres. He ripped Ron’s worn clothes off and put him in front of the others. Before he began Ron’s punishment, he swiftly grabbed Hermione by the throat and held her in front of Draco. “Now Listen here, boy” He commanded, “I’m going to give you a choice, one of them is going to die, and as I said, the choice is yours” Draco looked at the two in horror, contemplating what he just heard. “I either kill the girl, or, you know, I have one charge of seed left” He continues, smirking at the last part. Tears filled Draco’s eyes as he knew the fate that would befall his friends. “We don’t have all day” Hagrid commented. Draco saw the terror in Ron’s eyes and knew that even if he survived the experience, the boy would never be the same. He then saw Hermione, and he knew that he couldn’t make the choices he needed too. Hermione gestured for him to come closer and whispered in his ear, “You know the choice you have to make” she rasped, “and you need to have the strength to make it”. Draco stepped back and heard Ron say his final words, “I don't wanna go, Draco”. The boy looked down, with shame in his eyes, and pointed towards his choice. He shuddered with tears as he heard Hermione’s struggle for air, with her last breath, saying “Thank you, Draco”. The devastated boy fell to his knees, wanting for the experience to be over, but he heard Ron scream. He looked up to see Hagrid attempting to enter the boy, with Ron fighting back. “But... but you said I only had to choose one!” Draco cried. “I never said promises couldn’t be broken, boy. Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia, welcome to the real world.” Hagrid returned his focus to the boy in front of him, watching as the boy desperately struggled to stop him, but it only turned the Titan on more. He attempted to stick the boy with chicken drumstick, but for some reason he wouldn’t open up. Finally, after a few minutes of trying, he forces the boy down to the ground and thrust with such might that the boy screeched in pain as the massive pole penetrated his fresh, bright red cavern. Ron was crying as Hagrid thrust in and out of the boy with immense strength, as it took when one was so tight. He began moaning as he did this however, because of how much pressure and tightness enveloped his love stick. For some reason, however, he did not get the sense that Ron was beginning to enjoy it, as all of his other slaves had. This did not cause him to stop, though, for he was enjoying himself far too much. Soon he was going at a rapid-fire pace, drops of blood emulating from the boy’s asshole as he was receiving the greatest punishment he ever had. Hagrid was going wild, finally letting himself let loose. He could feel the final dose of poison boiling in his balls and pulled out, Ron shuddering on the floor. He walked over and pulled the boy onto his knees, slapping his manhood across his cheek. “Open wide, buddy boy”. Ron did not obey, Hagrid frowned. “Listen to me boy, I think you heard what I said”. Once again, Ron did not obey. Hagrid growled, and slapped the youngling across his pitiful face. A single tear simply fell down the boys face, for Ron had become numb inside. Hagrid continued, keeping erect from the noises that would come from the flesh-on-flesh action. Ron finally relented and opened his mouth. The beefcake smiled and immediately stuffed the boy to the brim with a meal he wouldn’t soon forget. He knew the boy wouldn’t actively suck it, so instead, he took the wheel. Slowly, he thrust into Ron until his pubic hair was up against the boys nose. He kept it there until he could here the boy gagging, then he pulled it back out. Ronald sighed with relief but it was not over yet. Hagrid swiftly reinserted himself, the gagging and slurping noises only turning him on more. He suddenly set a blistering pace, ramming the boy’s throat until he almost passed out. Hagrid knew he was close and he wanted to make a show. He whipped out of the used boy and started jacking off incredibly fast. He would smack the boy once and a while, making sure he knew his place. Hagrid moaned, loader and loader until he was shaking the room with power. He roared and shuddered as he climaxed. Without realising it, he came so hard that he completely missed Ron’s face, landing his poison seed on an unintended target. Ron and Hagrid looked over to see Dean Thomas walk out of the doorway, wiping the toxic butter off his pristine suit jacket. “You have one chance to surrender, Monster, or I will unleash my final weapon.” He said, intelligently, gesturing to the final face he would bring to the cave. 

The familiar man walked out dressed in his tweed suit with a golden Cross belt buckle. It was Reverend Dumbledore, Albus’s Christian Doppelgänger who sent from a Parallel universe by God to spread the word of the lord. “Who the fuck are you?” Asked Hagrid impatiently “I am Rev. Albus Dumbledore and I am here teach you about our lord and saviour Jesus Christ.” “Jesus? The only God I need is this godly dick!” Laughed Hagrid as humped the air, disgusting the Reverend. “If you will not accept the lord into your heart then I will be forced to use drastic measures.” Threatened the Reverend wisely “Oh bite me you filthy Mormon!” Hagrid jeered godlessly as he dropped Ronald and started walking towards the Reverend who immediately began to pray.  
“Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  
As the Revered finished the Lord’s prayer his body became engulfed in purple light until he was wearing a suit of bright purple armour with a large golden cross on his chest, he had become Bibleman. Hagrid swung his large fist but was blocked by the Reverend’s prayer hands Hagrid swung again but was once more blocked by the Reverend who then wisely stated “Now it’s my turn” and with his hands still in a prayer position, he hit Hagrid in the nose. The Reverend then immediately exclaimed “Our lord is GREAT, our Lord is greater than ALL THE GODS!” Which conjured up an enormous transparent golden cross that then hit Hagrid in the chest causing him to fall backwards. “Woah what kind of Magic is that?” Asked a bewildered Draco, “Excuse me I believe in Miracles not magic.” Replied The Revered as his Bibleman suit faded off his body. The Dimension-Hopping pastor rushed to the side of his deceased doppelgänger and muttered some godly that no one in this room would ever forget.  
“Dear Lord, please let this holy man rise again like our savior Jesus before him and please allow him the strength to thwart thy heavenly evil that stands before us today Amen.”  
At this point Hagrid had gotten up but it was too late, the Original Salt™ Flavoured Dumbledore was already levitating in the air, his body in the T-pose position and bright white light coming out of every one of his holes. “Beef Cake,” Albus bellowed wisely “the Time of your own punishment has come!” “Noooooooooo”! Squealed Hagrid like the Fantastic Beasts that he used to use for his own pleasures. The sound of Thunder shook Hagrid’s cabin as Dumbledore’s juicy resurrected meat grew and grew it grew longer than any Man plonker ever has it grew to be at least 6.9 yards before moving like a deadly snake into Hagrid’s back porch, going so far up in there that Hagrid’s body was lifted off the ground. Hagrid could only silently gawk at the unspeakable but yet godly pain he was experiencing until a vague feeling trickled down his chest area and through his skin you could see the bright white glow of Dumbledore’s blessed milk of death. And in final breath Hagrid softy whimpered a single phrase, “Pedo boy, I Don’t Feel So Good.” And with that his body simply faded into dust.

Albus then slowly descended downwards, extending his infinitely talented tongue to meet the Reverends in a lip lock so godly that it sent a blinding pulse of light out of the Dumbledores that was powerful  
Enough to instantly wake everyone in the cabin (apart from the deceased ones of course, not even the lord could save them now.). Albus heard a joyous shriek from behind him and turned around to see Neville slamming into him with a tender embrace, tears rolling down his red cheek. “Oh my gosh Albie I-I thought you were gone forever an-“ Neville was interrupted by Albus who wisely said “Shh Shh my sexy Gryffindor, it’s all over now, that nasty little Beef Cake is dead now. We can finally be together in peace!” And with that, the reunited pair smacked their juicy lips together creating a slightly damp and an Incredibly Salty French kiss that caused the entire room to clap loudly. Even The Abused Harry was clapping uncontrollably at this holy sight. After 20 minutes and 16 seconds exactly of the Godly couple’s emotional kiss, Albus and Neville disconnected their lips and walked hand and hand out of Hagrid’s cabin and into sunset, possibly to voyage to the corner of the globe where they can finally be alone together, but before they could leave they were stopped by the Reverend who wisely said a few simple words to them before their departure “May Christ be with you” and Albus responded equally as wise, “And with you also, my fellow lover of the Lord.” 

What happened to Dumbledore and Neville you might ask? Well let’s just say they found some peace up on Brokeback Mountain if you know what mean ;). As for The Reverend, Snape gave him a job at Hogwarts for his brave contribution against Hagrid. He became Hogwarts’s first Bible Studies teacher. Ronald finally accepted his sexuality and started dating Draco. Though no one knows what truly happened to McGonagoll, a Black cat has been spotted on its way to Dumbledore and Neville’s place. And Harry, poor poor abused Harry had to see a psychiatrist for many years before he even started to accept what had happened to him and even then he still went clinically insane. Though the only thing that they all kept in common (apart from. Dean Thomas who never received any) was the trauma that occurred in Hagrid’s cabin, and although they could never forget it, they could at the very least always touch each other real good to temporarily take their mind off it. 

The End


End file.
